I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
