i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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