you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
