So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
