I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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