IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
