sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
