Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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