BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
