I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
