why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
