i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
