fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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