well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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