The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
