He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Still dying that you shit outside
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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