He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
