we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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