Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
