my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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