Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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