hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
