so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
