I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
