Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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