We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
