Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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