in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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