I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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