dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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