I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
