HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
