Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
