i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
