How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize