dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
