i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize