Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
