Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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