the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I want is dick and wine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
