there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
