the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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