I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
