My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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