I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
