Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
