Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
