fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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