It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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