why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
honey bunches of taint.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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