So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
