I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
