taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
