I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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