I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
