If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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