I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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