new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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