so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
