i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
