i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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