You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
