it hurts more in the daytime
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
