you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
