All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
