the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
