rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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