he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's blow job season.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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